garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize