I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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