As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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