bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was a trapeze. enough said
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
