Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
