Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
