don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
