I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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