letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
