Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
