A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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