she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize