im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize