I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
