woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
