His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want nice things and good sex
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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