pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
