Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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