Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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