why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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