Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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