as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
