He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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