Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
