You work out of a Hotel?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
