I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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