apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
