someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
