I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
