I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
