i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hippo gnu deer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
