oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
as a side note pls kill me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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