dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
