Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize