I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell like Dick and happiness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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