Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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