So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
