She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
