Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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