Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
