Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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