I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
