He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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