Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
