Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
