Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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