I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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