I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
