I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
