don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
