If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
