i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
