I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
