i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
