Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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