I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want her autograph on my taint
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
