That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
