I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
