In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
