I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
