the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
