u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
