things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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