when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
