yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
