My Higher Power is John Stamos
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
