I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
