awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
