you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
