): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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